You Deserve a Blecch Today

Before the wife and I watched the documentary “Super Size Me” last night, I had a preconceived notion about the film’s main target of scrutinization, McDonalds. That was, it was not my kind of place. I’ve harbored a deep disdain for Mickey D’s for several years now. So I was looking forward to seeing this flick stick it to the fast food giant, and I must say that I wasn’t disappointed.

The gist of the film consists of it’s maker, a guy named Morgan Spurlock who is in terrific shape, recording the effects of a month long binge in which he eats nothing but McDonald’s product three times a day. At the end of the thirty days, his weight gain of 24.5 pounds in 30 days was not surprising; his liver succumbing to effects similar to alcoholism, heart palpitations, and mood swings were more so.

The movie was fascinating for me to watch for several reasons. For one thing, it reaffirmed my belief that the average American is stupid. Kids who can’t recognize Jesus or George Washington have no problems identifying Ronald McDonald. Adults who can’t recite the Pledge of Allegiance can rattle off the Big Mac jingle without hesitation. Now, of course, I can’t blame McDonald’s for the fact that people are this dumb. However, it does say an awful lot about the marketing power of the Golden Arches, and the things that it says about it aren’t good (more on that later). Secondly, it almost builds a decent case for those slobs who decided to sue McDonald’s for making them fat. This movie was made in the wake of such a case, which was thrown out because the plaintiffs could not suffiiciently prove the fast food chain could make a significant contribution to their obesity. Obviously, Spurlock demonstrates that eating too much of this crap is harmful to you (albeit in an extreme dose), and one can argue that this documentary does offer said proof. But one could and should debate that one could also consult the medical magazine “Duh” and come to the same conclusion. This is where the whole lawsuit thing falls flat for me. You don’t need a documentary to tell you that this food is unhealthy. Common sense dictates that, and it is up to the individual to exercise its usage when choosing what to eat. Translation: If you’re fat, it’s your fault. Don’t seek monetary compensation because you don’t want to own up to personal responsiblity for the kinds of food you eat.

That said, the movie still managed to keep my disdain for McDonald’s burning strongly. Spurlock has an issue with the way McDonald’s markets their product, as do I. However, they are for entirely different reasons. Only Disney rivals Mickey D’s marketing to the 10 and under set. Both companies are masters of sinking their products into the minds of the young and impressionable, using harmless and surreal spokespeople to hammer it home (one uses a talking mouse, one a happy red-headed clown). For me, though, the similarities end there. Although I do take umbrage with Disney on many things, at least they do produce a quality product for the kids to enjoy. McDonald’s does not, a fact that does not change when Junior turns in his Happy Meal for a Value Meal. Therein lies the biggest issue I have with the Golden Arches; they oversaturate people with their company at a very early age, then they don’t even have the decency to provide them with a product that isn’t fit to be called mediocre most times. A kind of cullinary bait and switch, if you will. Chances are that by the time people figure this out, things like loyalty, nostalgia, and the like have set into them, and they will still occasionally fling money to the clown. This is a formula that works, so why would McDonald’s want to change anything, including on improving the food?

You may agree or disagree, so let me conclude something that we Californians can all practically put down as fact: You’d rather have a Double Double from In and Out Burger than a Quarter Pounder any day.

It’s Turkey Time!

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

That’s all I got today. I’ll post something relevant later.

NBA Action-It’s Dangerous!

My buddy Joel from Texas made a comment in the last post wondering my opinion on the whole Pacers-Pistons brawl thing this past Friday night. So I guess this qualifies as a request-a-post. I’m cool with that. Besides, I was going to wait until the suspensions were doled out before I made any comments regarding the incident. Now that they have, I’m ready to break my silence. (For those of you who are not familiar with the bit of nastiness that occured, this article will catch you up nicely).

Was this the craziest, most insane altercation in the history of North American sports? It certainly ranks right up there, but it may not even be the worst player-fan fight involving a Detroit sports figure. Back in baseball’s early days, the infamous Ty Cobb jumped up into the stands and beat the crap out of a heckler, who just so happened to be handicapped (he had just two fingers on the only hand on his body). While the Cobb incident may still usurp Friday’s melee in some people’s eyes, the Pacers-Pistons brawl instantly cemented itself as no less than second place amongst the annals of horrific player-fan confrontations, even suprassing such incidents as the one in 1979 when the Boston Bruins jumped into the Madison Square Garden crowd and went skate-to-toe with a bunch of New York Ranger fans.

The actions of Artest, Jackson, and O’Neal were undeniably awful. However, you have to wonder what kind of things were flying out of the fans’ mouths while this was happening. Fans can be tremendously brutal in their heckling, mainly because they have this sense of invincibility about them. After all, the last thing you would think of occuring would be to have a player come after you to make you eat your words. For example, there was an incident a decade ago involving the Houston Rockets’ volitale shooting guard, Vernon “Mad Max” Maxwell while on the road in Portland. He jumped into the twelfth row during the game and proceeded to wail on a heckler, and was suspended eleven games for his actions. However, it was revealed that the fan repeatedly hollered at Maxwell, asking how his daughter was doing. Maxwell’s daughter had died a couple of weeks earlier. What happened Friday does not compare to the Maxwell incident, but it just goes to show that chances are the fans were probably not all sweetness and light (especially the ones that encroached on the floor) .

One thing that I haven’t heard much in the last couple days is what this says about the culture of the NBA. Not to piss off you Jason Whitlock types out there, but there has been a growing concern regarding the gangsta element that has seeped into the league over the past decade. There are groups that try to celebrate the league as one of the prime showcases of hip-hop culture, and that would be all good if it was all true. However, I don’t think that these people would want people like a Ron Artest (who was rumored to ask for a month off so he could complete an R&B album) or a Latrell Spreewell (who wanted a larger contract than his current $6 million one because as he put it, “he has children to feed”) representing that culture. There are just too many incidents that allow the gansta attitude is strong enough to overpower the league’s hip-hop vibe. Frankly, I tend to agree with something that ESPN columnist Bill Simmons said a couple of years ago, when he stated that we are not too far off from the day when an NBA player shoots another NBA player off the court.

The NBA’s actions in the wake of the incident were swift, decisive, and sent a message. It will be interesting to see how long the league will have to carry out damage control over this issue.

Parker and Stone: Accidental Therapists?

Just saw “Team America: World Police” last night. Hilariously irrelevent. Highly recommend it and all that. More importantly, though, I feel that a movie so savage in its politicial and societal commentaries is a wonderous antidote to all the negativity surrounding this past election and its residual fallout that is still going on today.

Do you agree? Do you think that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are closet Republicans? Do you think it should be just left alone on this kind of cathartic level? Chip in your buck-o-five and discuss.

Christianity, Favoritism, and the Republican Party

In the days after the Presidential election, there have predictably been a vast number of Anti-Bush images, Web sites, and blog entries that have ranged from the mildly amusing (that is, the immature hissy fit OC Weekly threw last week) to the illogical (rants from people who are all but certain that we will live in an Orwellian society bereft of individual liberties by 2008). In this same time frame, as I had written in a previous post, there have also been certain groups on the right acting far too graceless and arrogant in regards to the election results. Until recently, that’s all I thought it was from the right-nothing more than gloating and poor sportsmanship. That was until I read something Wednesday that made me rethink why these borders of haughtiness were being erected in the first place. I stumbled across a letter to the editor of The Morning Call, which is a newspaper that caters to the Lehigh Valley region of Pennsylvania, and I found it to be more disturbing than any left-wing, liberal rant that has come across my eyes in the past month. Rather than linking it, I’ve copied the text here:

Jesus speaks through the Republicans

I hope the election of George W. Bush is seen as a wake-up call to all the liberal Democrats who oppose God’s will.

It is His doing that George W. Bush is still our president. Millions of born-again Christians helped win this election through our prayers and votes. Jesus speaks through the Republicans.

The Democrats will not be able to win elections until they renounce their sinful ways and stop encouraging abortions, gayness, and trying to take away our guns.

Earl Balboa

Washington Township

After reading this, not only was I ashamed of my political leanings, it made me ashamed that I was linked to someone like this via my Christian faith. If you are a Christian, it is my sincere hope that you share my same sense of disgust over this dangerously self-righteous and misguided claptrap. It is also my hope that you also are fearful that there are a lot of people that call themselves Christians that would be nodding in agreement as they followed along, maybe even emitting a solid “amen” or two.

It’s probably safe to assume that Earl Balboa is a member of the anti-intellectual, law/gospel/law abiding cartel known through the media as the Religious Right. There’s no denying that this group does exist, although their moniker is clearly misapplied, and will be until they replace the word “Right” with “Self-Righteous.” These are the type of people who are quick to point out, say, I Corinthians 6:9 and how it mentions how people who engage in homosexual activity will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. Needless to say, they completely gloss over the fact that Paul also mentions sins like adultery and swindling in that very same passage, something that the higher-ups in this faction seems to have had little problems with for quite some time (Oral Roberts, Jimmy Swaggart, Paul and Jan Crouch, ad nauseum). It goes without saying that they also systematically ignore I Corinthians 6:11, which says that such sins are washed away via Christ’s atoning blood. These are the same people who called for Martin Scorcese’s and Kevin Smith’s head on a platter without ever seeing a frame of “The Last Temptation of Christ” and “Dogma,” respectively. They are the same group that burned all The Beatles albums in 1966, without thinking of the poignancy and unfortunate truthfulness of John Lennon’s comments about the band being more popular than Jesus. I’ll guarantee you that, two thousand years ago, they would have also been the group that would have jumped all over Christ for healing a sick person on the Sabbath. You see, the members of the Religious Right are nothing more than the modern day equivalent of the Pharasees. They do share the same traits; self-righteousness, pride, arrogance. The only big thing the two differ on is that the Pharasees were pseudo-intellectual, whie their modern day counterparts are anti-intellectual.

I used to just disregard the Religious Right as just a fringe movement that was an easy target for the media to point and laugh at. This election changed that. These wackos get all the press not because the media stereotypes Christians into these groups, but because these people yell the loudest, and the media tends to gravitate toward the organization that has its collective voice cranked up to eleven. The shrill din of the Religious Right scares the crap out of me, as both a Christian and a traditional Republican. I don’t care to be associated with a group who claims to have Jesus all sequestered in their corner, wearing a little elephant button. Nor do I care to be lumped together with a bunch of people that view the Democrats as heathens compared to the saintly Republicans. Take the last two paragraphs of Balboa’s letter. In it he claims the following:

*Jesus is sole property of the Republican party. By saying such a thing, you are quantifying God’s power, bending it to fit into your political agendas. Remember, there is a whole lot more to politics than morals, no matter what the exit polls may want you to believe. How can you look at that statement and not see it as an insult to God? It almost makes me wish that God would have rebuked the Religious Right, just to remind them who was in charge. Then I remembered Kerry’s socialist sounding economic plan, and I came to my senses. (As a footnote: Many people in the Nazi party thought that God spoke through them. I’m in no way calling the Republicans Nazis-that’s rediculous, of course. I’m just saying that there could be a historical price for such arrogance).

*Somehow, the Republicans are without sins, or at least theirs are somehow lesser than the Democrats. Again, we are at the point where the comparisons between the Religious Right and the Pharasees are more concrete. There are plenty of things that the Republican party have been privy to over the past fifty years that could be looked at as morally reprehensable. However, with the exception of the Watergate scandal, none of them are as worthy of “hot button” status as, say, abortions or homosexuality. Let’s just say that if Christ was going to choose a candidate based on the types of sins perpetrated by the candidate’s parties, he wouldn’t even bother to register.

*Somehow, gun control is a sin. Don’t worry-it doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

I’ve stated on occassion that a stupid Christian is far more dangerous to Christianity than an intelligent agnostic/athiest. I’m confident that this confirms that statement. Again, I hope that letter burns you up inside. It’s time for action. With the Republicans in the White House for four more years, if we really want the Great Commission to work to its full capacity, we really need to figure out a way to get these people to shut up. It will only help Christianity in the long run. After the turmoil of this past election, I’m sure it will help the Republican party, too.

Bordering on the Absurd

Did you hear about the little Mexican girl who was stuffed inside a Powerpuff Girl pinata in an attempt to smuggle her across the border in San Diego this week? If you didn’t, now you have. This is almost as rediculous as the guy who was stuffed into a minivan chair in an attempt to make it.

This little bit of fun comes on the heels of Mexican president Vicente Fox demanding that the U.S. treat the people that are fleeing Mexico and breaking U.S. law by being here better. Hey Vinny, how about trying to improve your country so you don’t have people sewing up their children in pinatas to split your nation? (I know that it’s probably not that simple on his end, but I just needed to blurt it out).

I’m sorry, but if you still think that illegal immigration is not a major issue that needs to be dealt with post haste, you’re only kidding yourself.

I’m just sayin’, is all.

What the Halo…

Just wanted to let you know that I am one of the few people who have their own blog who will not be buying “Halo 2.” I’m sure this puts me in the vast minority (probably that of the less than 5% area), but I’m letting you know that I have no plans on the content of this blog drying up over the next several weeks over the most anticipated game in the history of gaming.

However, that’s all I got now. I’m off to play me some ESPN NBA 2K5.

…And Now For Something Completely Different

So, the election’s over, and in the past few days, intellecually stimulating comments regarding its outcome have been few and far between. For every one person with a good argument, there are a dozen gloaters and whiners, either bringing their (and I use the term loosely) point across by either taunting or a steady stream of curse words.

I need a break from it. I will say that this past week has unleashed a myriad of ideas and topics that I will want to share opinion and facilitate discussion over, but I’m just not in mood to risk filling my comment board with some tirade about how one thinks the other political viewpoint is wrong without providing concrete reasons as to why one thinks that way. Therefore, I wanted to use this post as a method to blow off some steam, and I will do that by posing the following question:

What are the three scariest movie scenes you’ve ever seen? I know it’s after Halloween, but I don’t care. Besides, when’s the last time The Simpsons have shown their Treehouse of Horror episode before October 31? The answer is long enough for me to justify posing the question to you.

The Day After…Well, a Few Hours After

George W. Bush, the candidate that I voted for, has been re-elected for another four years. You can blame me if you want for his re-election, but it would be silly to do so, considering that everybody claimed California for John Kerry roughly 42 seconds after the state’s polls closed. Remember, I don’t live in Ohio.

Turns out that the Washington Redskins don’t have the power to make or break the incumbent party after all. However, one theory that I’ve mentioned before on this site has held strong. That is, America will not elect a Democrat from Massachusetts unless he has the overwhelming charismatic power of John (or Robert) Kennedy. Clearly, Kerry did not possess these traits at the outset, and by the time he started warming up to the idea of expressing his personality, it was October, and far too late to have that change in attitude come across as nothing more than a knee-jerk reactionary ploy to the majority of undecided voters. So Kerry joins a long list of Democrats who have had absolutely no clue on how to run a successful campaign in this modern age in which television and now the Internet plays such a gigantic role in the electoral process. In the last thirty-six years, the only Democrat that has done it right is Bill Clinton, because his charisma and charm were inescapably at the forefront of everything that he did. (Note: Jimmy Carter, the only other Democrat to win the Presidency in that time span, won mainly because his opponent, Gerald Ford, was a non-elected appointee riding out what was originally Richard Nixon’s second term. Sure, he did the “aw, shucks” Southern guy thing, but Carter was essentially in the same role as a mediocre quarterback on a football team with a great running game and a superior defense. That is, the team will win as long as you don’t make any colossal blunders). Kerry is a bright guy, however he would have been a better Presidential candidate in 1904, not 2004. So for the Democrates that are looking to blame somebody or something for their candidate losing, they need to blame their own party for not going about their fight in a more appealing way against an incumbent who was quite beatable. After all, there are a lot of right-leaning folk-me included-that feel quite uncomfortable with some of Bush’s decisions. This can be hard for some Democrats, though, since they tend to be experts at blaming everybody else before they take responsibility for their own actions.

A lot of people have commented on how glad they are that the race is finally over. I can see their point, however, I won’t truly be glad for another couple of weeks. This was the most petty, vicious, cruel run to the Presidency that I’ve seen in my lifetime, simply because there was so much hatred flowing from each side’s supporters. Common sense would seemingly dictate that resorting to vandalism and other wanton acts of thuggery would do more harm than good to your cause, but I guess this just further proves how uncommon common sense truly is. From what I’ve read on various discussion boards in the past few hours, I wouldn’t be surprised if that kind of activity does not cease with this election. So I’m going to wait a while before I wipe my brow with the back of my hand.

That said, I’m looking forward to reading the upcoming issues of OC Weekly, Rolling Stone, and other left-leaning publications that so blatantly wear their liberal bias on their sleeve. I’m just curious to see if they can actually put together some cohesive thought in an attempt to unify this fractured nation or if they’ll do nothing but whine louder and increase the number of “Bush is Hitler” and “All Christians are extremist bastards” articles. I’m guessing the latter attitude will prevail, unfortunately. I’m also guessing that we won’t get anything intelligent out of the likes of Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp, or Jeanine Garofalo any time soon, either. The saddest thing I’ve read so far is the current flamewar on Fark.com, where half of the naive little Farkers are threatening to move to Canada, and making asinine statements that resemble those aforementioned articles. (Note: I am outrageously tired of the whole “Christains are extremists” arguement, but I’ll tackle that at a later date). It’s pretty easy to surmise that a lot of people who populate message boards like Fark are under 30, and there is a good chunk of that section who were eligible to vote for the first time. For those people and those of their generation, they have nobody to blame but themselves. I heard a number of times from various sources that the youth vote turnout was very low. If more people wanted to change the face of American politics, they should have gotten out and voted. For those who did, I commend you. For those who did not and are whining about who’s being inagurated in January, shut up.

When all the dust is settled, you either have the man you wanted in the White House for four more years, or your going to have to tolerate his presence one more term. Regardless of what side of the fence you’re on, it is my hope that we don’t make this political difference into a massive splitting wedge, and that we can have discussions that don’t dissolve into cheap shot name calling and finger pointing, for that is the main impetus that we can use to achieve true unity.

ElectionWatch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, how long did it take you before you got tired of listening to the news anchors rehash the same rhetoric over and over again while the election results were slowly being updated? The networks started their coverage about 4:00 PM Pacific Time, and I think they officially ran out of insights at about 5:00 PM. Since then, the only fact I’ve heard worth noting is that Tom Brokaw brought up the fact that both Bush and Kerry were members of Yale’s infamous “Skull and Bones” secret society. Whether or not this means that Brokaw will get smacked around by a bunch of Yalies on his way out to his car after work remains to be seen.

Thankfully, the Internet has provided a safe haven for obtaining electoral results without all of the political rhetoric to clog your ears. Plus, it gives you the best opportunity to read about the best part of election coverage without having to sift through the rest of the dreck. Of course, I’m talking about the screw ups and surprise goofiness. For example, it does look like crackpot Dan Rather is slowly going insane on the air like he did in 2000. He’s starting to drop wacky quotes on the viewers. Here’s a random sampling of quotes that show his mind being lost in action:

7:41 p.m. – “This is more complicated than the wiring diagram for some hydroelectric dam dynamo.”

7:48 p.m. – “You know, we may need Billy Crystal to analyze this before it’s over.”

7:51 p.m. – “One’s reminded of that old saying, ‘Don’t taunt the alligator until after you’ve crossed the creek.’”

8:01 p.m. – “Play a verse of Johnny B. Goode in Illinois for John Kerry.”

8:05 p.m. – “George Bush is sweeping through the South like a big wheel through a Delta cotton field.”

8:07 p.m. – “This presidential race is hotter than the Devil’s anvil.”

Also, there have been a few reports of unintentional comedy gold scattered throughout the various broadcasts, like this exchange between Wolf Blitzer and one of Kerry’s daughters:

Wolf: “Do you know, did your dad’s speech-writers prepare two different speeches?”

Kerry’s Daughter: *winks* “You’ll just have to wait to find out”

Wolf: “How will we know?”

Kerry’s Daughter: “uhhhh… I was just trying to dodge the question.”

I’m sure there’s many more to come…for a running tally of them, the loonies over at Fark.com have a running thread that’s pretty much covering all of comedy (along with a bazillion other election related threads-I’m thinking it may have been a good day for Fark’s brainchild Drew Curtis to pour beer on the servers).